The Top 10 Commandments of Real Life Real Estate (According to Me)
by Heather Kehoe
on Friday, February 28th, 2020 at 9:00am.
Okay, so now that you have gotten to know me a bit better, let's jump right into the "meat and badadoes", as my Grandma Davidson would say!
People often ask why I got into real estate and, sometimes, I stare at them blankly and wonder that myself. But, in all honesty, I do love real estate! I have great clients and I love finding them their first or forever home, I dig architecture & interior design, and, let’s be honest, there is nothing like the thrill of negotiating & closing a deal. It’s that rush of adrenaline similar to—but much safer than—all the crazy shit I did as a teenager (sorry, Mom and Dad)!
But it's not all sunshine and roses... In fact, there are times when I have come home and considered selling everything, moving to the tropics, and selling shrimp on the beach with 15 dogs by my side, just chillin’ (okay, so this is still my lifelong dream...).
Why I Created the Top 10 Commandments of Real Estate
In order to keep my sanity and my marriage (because there would be no “third time’s the charm”), I decided I needed to set out some guidelines or, in the words of my great forefathers, “The 10 Commandments of Real Estate”.
Because I work with buyers, sellers, and other agents, there is, of course, a set commandments for each group. But to keep this blog short and sweet, I have taken the top from each and made the Ultimate 10 Commandments of Real Life Real Estate (according to me).
The Top 10 Commandments of Real Estate
Now, don't let the whole "10 Commandments" throw you off. It has nothing to do with religion and is solely based on my opinion and, well, maybe some occasional water cooler chat.
Okay, so let's dive right in!
10) Thou (buyer) shall not wear 5-inch, 12-buckle, 5-minutes-to-tie-up-each-shoe footwear when viewing properties. Time is of the essence & taking 12.2 minutes to take off and put on footwear is a hell no. And, for the love of pete, listen to me when I say stilettos, snowbanks, and slippery slopes do NOT go together. This applies to agents, as well.
9) Thou (agent) shall not hang the lockbox on a thorn-covered bush that is situated behind a 7-foot tall, locked gate that is down a snow-packed, black-ice-covered path with no outdoor lights left on in the black of night while its -50℃ with a windchill. I have more than once felt as if I should qualify for the Canadian Olympic gymnast team while jumping, sliding, and crawling over objects in an attempt to find a lockbox. But, at least the neighbours had a good laugh!
8) Thou (seller) shall not leave thy 7 cats—that are IN HEAT—loose during a showing with a tiny post-it note on the kitchen island saying, “DON'T LET THE CATS OUT!” Gee, thanks for the heads up. Would have been nice to know ahead of time that there are a bunch of horny little felines just waiting to break out and get it on in the streets the moment I turn the key. I do a lot as a Saskatoon REALTOR®, but herding cats is not in my job description!
7) Thou (seller) shall not be naked in the shower or naked in bed or naked in general while thy property is being shown to potential buyers. No further comment.
6) Thou (buyer) shall not go get a new vehicle loan, rack up a credit card, or co-sign for another person's debt while in the middle of thy real estate transaction. Yes, this does affect your pre-approval and the deal will crash. Then I will have to counsel you and tell you "I told you so." It sucks.
5) Thou (listing agent) shall not be "the agent in the mirror" (cue the music to Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror). I am not even kidding, you would not believe how many real estate agents, in an attempt to save on marketing costs, will take their own photos and feature themselves front and centre in every mirror in the house. Like, hello! We can see you. We do make fun of you and everyone can see the mustard stain on your shirt. If you are going to take photos yourself, at least attempt to make them look somewhat professional. (insert eyeroll)
4) Thou (seller) shall not think thou should list thine home 20-50k above market value, just to "try it out" because “Joe What's-His-Name down the block listed his house for that and there's no damn way that Joe is selling for more than me". Fact 1: Joe's house has been on the market for 423 days. Fact 2: something isn't working there. Fact 3: listen to me; I’m the market expert here.
3) Thou (sellers) shall not only allow showings Monday, Wednesday, and Friday 1-2:15pm, and 9-10am Saturday, then cancel any potential showings last minute and wonder why thou hast zero offers. Surprise! It's because you have zero showings. I feel this commandment is very self-explanatory!
2) Thou (agents) shall not tell thine buying clients to call the listing agent to show them the property listed in Timbuktu because you don't feel like driving out and showing it to them. Oh, wait—it gets better. You then also instruct them to tell the listing agent that they are not working with an agent and proceed to tell them if they like it to get you to write the offer. Okay, WHAT?! I am not even kidding. True story. You know who you are and real estate karma is coming for you!
1) Thou (buyers and sellers) shall not no-show, ghost, Houdini, David Copperfield, or whatever you want to call it, without a simple text or phone call. I get it, things come up; that's life. But, for the love of pearl, just let me know! Oh, and if you decide you want to work with another REALTOR®—I am not sure why you would... but in case of a slight lapse in your judgement ;)—just let me know. I definitely won’t hate you or hold it against you, and it will make it a lot less awkward for you if we run into each other at the dog park or Costco.
So, there you have it! The Top 10 Commandments of Real Life, Real Estate (according to me). Stay tuned for another mind-blowing riveting read coming your way in 2 weeks! Keep it real!